What does it mean to heal from an injury? When are you fully recovered? Not only physically but emotionally as well?
I have been noodling these questions for the past month or so. For nearly two years now I have had the ability to experience this process on my own...By that I mean surrounded by doctors, physical therapists, and most importantly my family and close friends. But it was a private thing to me. I had time and to work on healing completely. And I do mean work, because it was a hard job and something I had to put a lot of pain, tears, and effort into.
In the past, I have experienced injuries where I am pushed to get back onto the field, sometimes before I felt like I was ready. With hindsight being 20/20, I realize I never stood up for me by putting myself first and demanding more time to heal. I admit a lot of the pressure to get back was self-inflicted, but not all. My standards for myself are very high and sometimes I expect more out of myself then I am physically or emotionally able to give. Its almost as if as a woman who plays sports, I always felt as if I had to prove my strength. I had to prove that I could overcome this putting unnecessary expectations on myself. Not fully understanding until now that there is an emotional and physical side of healing a major injury. Time is what I needed to experience the ups and downs and help myself to be Jordi again.
2013 has brought to my attention the concept of acceptance vs. expectation. Our hearts are the center of us because they are the resting place of our spirits and all our love. Here in our hearts is where we find acceptance for ourselves and who we really are. My heart was broken for a long time making it hard for me to accept me, thus putting all these expectations on myself. Expectation on the other hand is mind produced. The product of over thinking and comparing what is to what was/what we think should be. Now that I have come to this realization, I have found myself truly healing from then inside out.
I have been working on listening to my heart, feeling gratitude for what I am doing on a daily basis. My mind wants to but in and tell me how I didn't complete that last pass or how I couldn't run that sprint as fast as I once did...But then I turn back to acceptance --
I am running! Something I wasn't doing a year ago.
I am playing soccer! Something that makes my heart so deeply happy.
Why let my expectations of where I believe I should be (or where others think I should be) ruin the beauty of what I accomplished today. I am happy to be where I am at, and believe I am right here for a reason.
Expectations are far different from goals. I have goals, big goals, and I am pushing towards them. The difference is I finally feel like I am doing it once again with a happy heart.
The process of healing is different for everyone. Don't compare yourself to the person next to you because that's just it...they are not you! Believe me, it is not an easy process, but if done completely, you will recognize just how much you have grown and accept what has happened as something you are THANKFUL for. It is a beautiful thing.
This is my path. I know I was put on it for a reason and I believe and trust in everything happening for a reason.
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Starting something new.
Don't know where this is going to take me,
All I know is I have been compelled to share.
Sharing to help me, and connect us all.
Through a small step, a big tackle, a wrong turn, we all have the scars to show where we have been.
Now it is up to US to decide where we are going.