Today marks the 3rd year since my life got twist turned upside down (man I'm full of lyrics right now!), and once again, it proves to be a hard day to get through without loads of emotions. The emotions from that day 3 years ago specifically come back: the laughter in the locker room as we danced before the game, the feeling I had after scoring, and being even more excited when my teammate and fellow Colorado girl Keelin Winters scored her first professional goal, and the gut-wrenching feeling that I knew exactly what had happened to me. Plus all the emotions I had to work through in the past few years in trying to understand the purpose of this lesson. Needless to say, it's a lot of different emotions.
I needed time away from the game, away from the one thing that I loved so much but had hurt me so deeply. The time I took away truly helped me heal. I found new interests and figured out what I could be good at other then kicking a ball really, really far. Taking pictures, interior design (aka re-decorating my childhood room), becoming my best version of a yogi, sports broadcasting, and a little sports marketing. But most of the time, I found myself coaching...ok, ok, I didn't get that far away from the game and, honestly, it resulted in some serious internal struggles. There were days when I was so mad at soccer, so upset about what had happened, that I would have to drag myself to go to training...it was hard to stay this way for long once I got to the fields. I would show up to the fields and get mobbed by 16 11/12 year olds running full speed at me from 100 yards away just to be the first one to shake my hand and tell me hi. Then I would realize, I know why I was here. Why it was my time to be a coach and not a player. One day it hit me, if I hadn't got hurt, I would of never met these young girls in the capacity that I did. Would never be able to spend 3 years helping develop these young soccer phenoms (and I don't say that lightly). These girls healed me. They showed me what it is like to play with such passion, joy, and desire to learn. They allowed my heart to grow fond of the innocence that lies in the heart of our game. I will forever be grateful for my Rush girls and the time life allowed me to be with them.
It is my first time being back on the field with a team since I got injured. Anniversary's are a remembrance of something that has happened in your life...good or bad you remember specific days for specific reasons. For this reason, time punishes me. My initial thought is, I know there will come a day when April 9th comes and goes without me even realizing...But then I think to myself, I am not sure that's what I want. I want to remember this day with all of it's emotions and all the great things it has brought into my life.
As i got ready for training today, I called my parents to express how I was feeling going into training. Honestly, I can't describe the emotions I was feeling when I reached for my phone to call them...I just knew I needed to talk. They had both got up early to make sure they could talk to me in case I called. We couldn't get through the conversation without all crying...I think we all felt the same way, knowing there was nothing left for me to do but just go out and prove this day has no control over me.
Time has punished me, time has healed me, and time has made me fonder of the gracious gift I have been given to play again.